a world on an axis

Sometimes, very often in fact, I have to remind myself where I am.  Not literally, but figuratively.  Like "what in the bloody hell am I doing on a planet that is a tiny dot in a solar system infinitely huge?"  And this notion that my small life exists in such a frighteningly enormous realm is very humbling.  I wish I wouldn't have to remind myself of this understanding. I wish that it would be innate within me, because I would save quite a lot of money on the anti-anxiety prescriptions I prescribe myself.... [beer & cigarettes.] 

In my tiny life, encapsulated in this humongous abyss, I have learned quite a lot [however not the most humbling statement -- but true.]  Not about what makes the world rotate and how gravity works as much as the pure wisdom of what makes my teeny, tiny life spin on an axis with the rest of this universe. 

I wrote a "note" in my iPhone 2 weeks ago after celebrating the birthday of a very dear friend.  After a night at a bar with old friends, people I haven't talked to in months, maybe years and people I try to stay in touch with all the energy I have, I wrote this note.  And I feel this is insight into why I keep my life spinning on an axis without [often] faltering (as much as I probably should.)  

"There are two specific kinds of friends you can't shake.  The ones that don't have anything invested in you, therefore love you unwaveringly and the ones that have so much invested in you that they might, at some point or in some ways make you feel terrible, but love you unconditionally, regardless.  I'm lucky enough to say, I have both.  

For the first type of friend that I named, you may not put much value to them -- but those are the friends that will fight, maybe kill for you, regardless of how often you talk or see each other.  The second type of friends are the ones that listen to your woes & complaints and constantly bring you back to earth when you flutter away lost, in need of guidance.

I was able to connect with friends that fall into both categories in one night.  And I can't tell you how unbelievably lucky I feel for having all of them in my life..... and hopefully, I bring them the same sort of comfort, trust and validation that they give me. "

And that's how I ended my ever so lovely evening. Thinking of how the people I have in my life [some in more ways than others] make me who I am.

In the aftermath of the horrors that happened last week, I got fixated on a quote by Mr. Rogers that circled the Internet about "the helpers."  I believe that most of us, regardless of if we run towards flames or do something (according to the media) incredible, are helpers to those around us, each in our teeny tiny way.... and those itty-bitty gestures or feelings we evoke in someone, can in fact, make a big difference.

Signing off ..... and feeling like a kite, released from my stresses by those I love. 

xo